Learning to last, at last, long lost love, dove-touched one. No other path even enters my periphery. You made the shore upon which I’m standing, great carpenter, son of Joseph, blood of David. You ring like a bell, dispelling dead air. You glisten brighter than the sun on the sandy beach of my existence. Here we bask, though I’m just an extension of your wisdom, journeying having proven like pulling teeth that your absence is more devastating than anything, and your nearness more precious. Father, speak to me, if not directly then through your Holy Spirit. Sing with me, so I’m not alone, songs of your beneficence to garner greater respect for your glory. Comfort me, a love so much grander than that of a companion. Tend to me more completely than my children. Take from me, to the fullest extend, and bless me equally, so the life I lead is only what you want it to be. Change me into the image you first envisioned, transmuting my evil deeds. Declare from mountain peaks that I am yours for eternity. As a testament to our togetherness, eradicate unneeded distractions. Anchor me. I know my foolish whims bubble to the surface. Fill my days, Lord, and my nights, with work and rest befitting a faithful servant. Accept my thanks. I know I lack in all departments, but nevertheless, I wish to express my gratitude toward you. Protect me as you wish, but please consider enveloping my children and me. Do your works through me. I await your orders patiently. I’ll work to the bone, just welcome me home.
Vernal mourner, a world without you is a piano without keys, a coma without dreams, a lack in my depths that cannot be replenished despite my best efforts, so I’m grateful for your return, blessed lamb. I jot down what seems to make sense, but there’s a disconnect between your lips and my pen. My understanding’s imperfect, but I’ll keep studying. Love me. I know I’ve done nothing deserving, but nonetheless, I crave your presence. I’ll keep pressing my limits to remove sin and call in your vision. My forehead’s dripping, perspiring, knowing I’ll never measure up to your example, but Lord, if you continue to extend me grace and allow the Holy Spirit to guide my days, I’ll pick up my cross and carry it. Your yoke is light and your burden is easy. You meet me where I am with transubstantiation. My hands are open as I pray, “Body of Christ, amen.” I stand in your pasture, honored, Lord. Find me worthy to be your servant, to guide under your instruction the other children who’ve lost their way. Forgive my weakness. I want to be fortified to align with your mission. I trust your wisdom. I won’t listen to my heart’s whims, if I can help it. Grant me discernment. Give me peace. Let me experience what’s needed to grasp the gravity of this situation and segue me from separation to wholeness. I know I’ve made mistakes and continue to disappoint you daily. Please, forgive and forget my transgressions. My copilot, there’s nothing but abyss when I turn my face from yours. Keep me dialed in to the connection and imbue me with your purposefulness.
Master, thank you for winding the watch of my soul back to the correct setting. Bless me in the morning, midday, evening, and while I sleep. Dispatch the Holy Spirit to rise with me, to lie with me and counsel me. Bring me closer, Lord, to your Heavenly body. Give me a job and responsibilities. For this, impose all necessary training. Teach me to speak your language. Dress me in the garments you find appropriate. Make my home and car befitting of someone destined to be with you. Look into my hungry heart and pluck out my sinful nature. Give me tips and make adjustments as needed. This is your symphony, I was just listening and grew intrigued. Without a missed beat or off-key element, I couldn’t help but admire the music. I first found myself humming along, wanting to be part of the experience. Since jointing, as a novice, learning the basics, I’ve taken to it, slowly but surely. In fact, I realize there was training along the way, unbeknownst to me. I was once a junker, looking for trinkets in the oddest places. The value of these was nonexistent, and considering the time it took to accumulate this inventory, it had a net negative effect on me. But, as stone becomes sand after constant pulverization, so too have I become a useful granule. Carry me about, lest I fall away and out of favor. Take me far from the noise of everyday living. I want to be perfected in your image, into nothing more than a call function to bring forth glory to your Holy name. For when repeated, “Jesus” is the sweetest nectar.
Hello, Maker. How are you? I was feeling disconnected and wanted to close the gap, as it gets tense down here in the matrix. I understand you’re arranging things beneath the surface. When your face feels far away, I draw it. If your voice sounds faint, I listen to Scripture or worship music. I want you to be my reality, Prince of Peace. I realize it’s a process and I must first accept the blessing, since my heart’s been hardened by sin. Such foolishness has marred my pure spirit. Though my childhood was marked by tragedy, I still knowingly spent decades doing the wrong things. I thought wrongly, said worse, and even hurt others. I lied, cheated, stole and blasphemed, all the while, expecting praise which never came. In the end, I felt empty, and an even lower low. I felt guilty. I thought I’d forget, but didn’t. It was a weight I carried daily. And while I never maimed anyone or aimed to align with Satan, I certainly disrespected your benevolence and cast myself into darkness. Here I am, feeling completely ridiculous. Save me, Lord, from the mess I’ve made. Take me to a better place. Grant me serenity. If you have a gig suited for me, I’d love the opportunity. I know your doctrine is based on grace, but I wish to emulate your propensity for healing. Use me as a conduit. Retool me to have an advantage over the enemy. Equip me to overcome adversity. Defend me against the Godlessness of those who’d engage me, in favor of those souls who recognize you as the everlasting God, Christ, Bread of Life, True Vine, Adonai.
Heavenly King, Ruler of Men, direct me as you see fit. I work in hopes of pleasing you, so if you find me doing anything other than your will for me, please redress my moral inequity. Send me your Holy Spirit to educate me. I wish to speak and even listen the way you did. I’ve been taking in Scripture on a daily basis, and I’ve made faith central to every creative expression and conversation, but I sin nonetheless. This misalignment deeply troubles me, since I fall short consistently, despite adding this pressure to my grieving conscience. When sorrow fills me with longing, I make endless mistakes, attempting to compensate for this emptiness. I would like to be made complete through your blessings. Grant me the joy and patience, skill and prudence, to achieve only those milestones which comport with your Spirit. Give me assignments, and it doesn’t have to be performing wonders. Perhaps I could take on acts of kindness, helping brothers and sisters. And when questioned about my desire to help others, I can give glory to your eternal name, Jesus. Teach me how to be a fisher of men. Let me lead them straight to you. Bestow upon me a comprehensive understanding of the lessons embedded in the Bible. Guide my hand when I’m writing. Make me feel full if I can’t afford to eat. Find me clothing that will open doors, so your Gospel will be heard and your promises delivered.
You found me in the wasteland of becoming, because I wasn’t privy to the knowledge that you’d already saved me. I’d been following some commandments, but for the most part, I was intent on finding a shortcut. I could analyze this a million different ways, but the truth is I wasn’t ready to submit. The irony is that I was willing to commit to a number of morally distorted programs and Far East meditations, but all of it led to more complications. Life meets us where we’re at, and thou art that. I’d been in the wilderness, but you’re the oasis. I’d been a rebel, but you’re my freedom. I was down in the dumps, but you picked me up. You whisked me away from all of the nonsense. You taught me with patience, despite my obstinance. You blessed me beyond my wildest imagination, but all I really seek is your love. You cover my losses. You counter my mulishness with pliancy. You regard me as yours, for which I’m thankful beyond words. I was on the precipice of making a huge mistake, but you talked me off the ledge. You stilled my shaking hands, and replaced the ache with a solemn vow that you’ll never let me down. You’re there when I feel wicked and there when I feel righteous, always bringing me back to center when I venture off the path. You love me like the father I never had. I pray fervently that others receive the forgiveness that you extend to them freely.
Master Defender, Dragon Slayer, don’t forget me, Lord. I placed my faith in you who carries the name Jesus, given to you by Joseph, son of David, sacrificial lamb born of Mary. I found you in the cave of my unknowing, or rather, you found me, locked in the darkness, imprisoned by my lack of sight. Your Word is without sin, and your synthesis with the Father and the Holy Ghost is also impeccable, and though I’ve led myself astray, I’m thankful your forgiveness extends to my wickedness. In the moment, it feels innocent—I’m just serving my hopes and dreams—but in a moment of clarity, I see there’s been very little that’s altruistic in my day-to-day excursions. But I’ve acted, not having been so arrested that life’s passed me by. And I’ve learned from my mistakes, after taking consequences for granted. I repent, but more than that, I’ve established a protocol for recognizing that I’ve been made again, and being renewed and whole, I’m taking time to intentionally receive the blessings bestowed on me. Since giving my life to you, I’ve been tested and rejected, as this world no longer acknowledges me as one of its children. Instead, I’ve tried my best to remain tight-lipped when a message feels in contrast with what you would have said, and while I wait for you to take me away, I practice gratefulness, and keep my eyes fixed. Loving you is the only way. Amen
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